Marriage promotes health

Marriage promotes health, as documented by numerous studies: “Married people tend to be better off financially and can share in a spouse’s employer health benefits. And wives, in particular, act as gatekeepers for a husband’s health, scheduling appointments and noticing changes that may signal a health problem. Spouses can offer logistical support, like taking care of children while a partner exercises or shuttling a partner to and from the doctor’s office.”

A national study of over 8600 people age 50-70 has concluded that divorce is not good for one’s health. Health problems in divorced and widowed men were 20% greater than in married men who had never divorced. Remarriage diminishes the increase in health problems but does not level the playing field. In fact, men aged 50-70 who have never married are healthier than the divorced or widowed. The same is true for women, but with less dramatic differences between the married and the divorced/widowed.

Why? Researchers believe that the explanation may be that the stress of losing a partner alters basic cellular structures, causing diminished health to persist even when the stress of loss has ended. (Tara Parker-Pope, ”Well - Divorce, It Seems, Can Make You Ill,” New York Times, August 4, 2009)

Obviously, some marriages need to end in divorce, e.g., in the case of an abusive spouse. Other marriages end with the premature death of a spouse.

Nonetheless, too many marriages end in avoidable divorces. Sometimes the problem is that the couple rushed into marriage, not taking time to get to know one another, not allowing the infatuation time to dissipate or grow into a more mature love.

Other times, the problem is that the couple stopped working on their relationship. Good marriages require frequent, regular investment of time and energy in real communication, shared activities, and goal setting. Couples do not just happen to grow apart. Instead, they fail to grow together. Entropy not organization is the more basic condition. What the evidence on marriage and personal health suggests is that working on one’s existing marriage is generally preferable to looking for a new partner, simply from a selfish point of view, without considering the well-being of one’s spouse or any children involved.