One basis for hope

People set wedding dates for surprising reasons. In China, where the number nine, “jiu,” has the same pronunciation in Mandarin as the word for perpetual, an amazing 18,979 couples married on 9/09/09. That broke the previous record of 15,646 couples who married on 8/08/08; the Chinese believe that the number eight is lucky and pronounce it the same as the word that means “rich.” (Mark McDonald, “18,979 Beijing Wedding Bells Chime on 9/9/09,” New York Times, September 10, 2009)

I have known couples who chose to marry because one of them, serving in the military, would soon deploy. Other couples set their wedding date based on the anticipated date of birth for their child. Still other couples have chosen a date when family or friends can join them, to share in their celebration.

All of these choices, and other yet even more apparently idiosyncratic choices, reveal something about the expectations attached to marriage. These include that marriage will last until one spouse dies, that marriage will bring happiness and security, and that marriage connects not only the two spouses but also an extended network of family and friends.

The rush of weddings on particular dates in China partially points to cultural differences. The rush also points to even more basic, human similarities in the importance and expectations that most people attach to marriage.

Claims by one group of people – whether identified by ethnicity, nationality, race, or religion – to be unique are true at the level of cultural differences. Our shared human biology ensures that all people have basic commonalities and that those commonalities, as with marriage, are more fundamental than any differences. Identifying, emphasizing, and building upon our common humanity constitutes the world’s best hope for peace, a hope that religious people of all traditions should strive to translate into reality.