Thursday, May 9, 2013

Mother's Day

Ann Fontaine, an Episcopal priest and colleague at the Episcopal Café for which I write, posted this there:
The high holy day of Hallmark™ is nearly upon us. Amy Young, writing at the Messy Middle, offers so advice for clergy negotiating these dangerous waters:
Dear Pastor, Tone can be tricky in writing. Picture me popping my head in your office door, smiling and asking if we could talk for five minutes. I’m sipping on my diet coke as I sit down. ... A few years ago I sat across from a woman who told me she doesn’t go to church on Mother’s Day because it is too hurtful. I’m not a mother, but I had never seen the day as hurtful. She had been married, had numerous miscarriages, divorced and was beyond child bearing years. It was like salt in mostly healed wounds to go to church on that day. This made me sad, but I understood.
Fast forward several years to Mother’s Day. A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again.
Some of her ideas for Sunday if you are going to include Mothers' Day in your liturgical planning:
1. Do away with the standing. You mean well, but it’s just awkward. Does the woman who had a miscarriage stand? Does the mom whose children ran away stand? Does the single woman who is pregnant stand? A.w.k.w.a.r.d.
2. Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering.
3. Commend mothering for the ways it reflects the Imago Dei

1 comment:

Ted said...

An excellent point for everyone to consider when doling out praise. Don't leave out having the veterans stand at functions.
Is this a carryover when everyone gets a trophy if they showed up; but did not participate or was just a number in the crowd?
Publically recognizing people who have done great performances for the church, home, work, or pleasure is a difficult process. To give praise to one person or group and not disappoint others who may have done the same or more and not recognized nullifies the praise.
I had good people tell me that receiving praise from me privately was worth more than telling others who may not know the impact the person had on the situation.
A good example is the military awards program. Many people receive awards just because they were there and did not do anything to justify an award. The award is submitted prior to leaving and is not awarded until they arrive at their new post. The people think the person has worked to receive the award and then find out the member is just lazy and a junkie for recognition.