In the middle of September last year, I spent a week in the hospital,
my body ravaged by the effects of multiple myeloma that had gone undiagnosed
for months. Three months of chemotherapy followed.
During those three months, my oncologist encouraged me to exercise, so
as to maintain my strength. My neurosurgeon, however, encouraged me to spend my
days lying in bed. He was afraid that some unexpected movement my result in my
becoming a paraplegic because of the damage that the cancer had done to my
spine. The two physicians never gave me a mutually agreed recommendation on
exercising. So, I erred on the side of caution, exercising some while spending
considerable time sitting on lying down. This was easier than it might sound
because the multiple myeloma, hospitalization, and chemotherapy combined to leave
me in a rather weakened, exhausted condition. During those months, I lost about
twenty pounds.
In December, my cancer went into remission. Kyphoplasty ended immediate
concerns about becoming a paraplegic. All obstacles to exercise were removed.
The slow pace of regaining strength, mobility, and endurance has
surprised and frustrated me.
In reflecting on that slow pace, and in discussing it with my
physicians, I have identified several mitigating factors that help to explain
the pace. First, I am in the middle of my seventh decade and the body regains
what it has lost more slowly as one ages. Second, I am still taking eight
different drugs daily, some of which limit my energy and increase my feelings
of tiredness. Third, I do not fully appreciate just how sick I was in September
and how long recovery typically requires.
On the other hand, I am regaining strength, mobility, and endurance
even if it is at much slower pace than I think I should.
Thus, I have a choice. Will I be frustrated or will I be thankful? Is
my incentive to continue exercising, taking the medicines designed to maximize
the length of my remission, and sustaining other actions intended to promote my
health and well-being found in feeling frustrated, thankful, or some
combination of both?
I suspect that many other people find themselves facing similar
choices, e.g., the person who wishes to lose weight but finds losing the pounds
agonizingly slow or the person who desires to learn a new skill more time consuming
and difficult than anticipated.
No one combination of frustration and thankfulness best suits everyone.
Instead, each individual must find the best balance for her or him. Persons who
would encourage that individual will maximize their support for that individual
when they identify that balance and then offer both negative and positive
encouragement as appropriate.
This insight has wider applicability.
Recently, I have read a couple of books about families that moved to
France from the US. The authors contrasted American and French schools.
American schools and youth organizations stereotypically emphasize praising
everyone. For example, every child who participates in some sports receives a
trophy simply for participating. Universal praise is intended to strengthen
weak egos and enhance self-image. In France, teachers and other adults who work
with children stereotypically offer little or no praise. Instead, these leaders
provide what is intended to be constructive criticism, comments about how the
child or youth might improve performance. The French contend that universal
praise is meaningless and helps to prevent individuals from achieving peak
results.
Probably, the optimal approach tailors positive and negative feedback
to the particular character of each child or youth, offering a mixture of both
positive and negative comments. The same is true of leading and managing (cf. The One Minute Manager by Kenneth
Blanchard and Spencer Johnson).
1 comment:
You have gone a long way towards understanding the mind and body relationship. I'm always interested in your observations as I never know if I will experience a similar situation. Moderation in praise and criticism is the way to teach people and for them to learn their capabilities. You can't give self-esteem, it has to be earned. Keep those thoughts and imagery coming through your writings. Good luck.
Post a Comment